Who's the Real #1?

Who's the Real #1?

By Tex DeVille

Who wants to be #1? Bueller? Anyone? Bueller?

As I sit on a couch just a day before the rest of Week 13 begins, I ponder the question of who is the best. No one seems to want this title at this time of the year. In college football, this is called “trolling,” because everyone knows dad-gum well that they want that ranking so they can have an opportunity to call themselves #1 at the end of the season. (The moral of the story here is that the BCS sucks.) In football, no one wants to be favored so that everyone can pretend to be Bill Belichick by saying “One game at a time.” This season, however, the NFL elite seem to be making this statement more literally on the field than figuratively in their language. Let me tell you what I mean.

(Rankings are a consensus of most major power polls on the internet)

#1 – Houston Texans: On the surface, you see a 10-1 club that has been a very well balanced team and has one big loss. This loss is seemingly a fluke as they haven’t been manhandled like that since. At least until they came up against the amazing offensive abilities of the… Jaguars? Yeah, the Jaguars, arguably the worst team in the league, took the supposed best in the league 5 rounds. The 5^th round was decided in the early minutes, right? Because obviously Houston got its head on straight and came back, right? To their credit, they would have won at the 8 minute mark last year. This year, things are different. So, the Jags obviously were stopped by Big Wade’s stellar defense, right? NO!!!! The Jags marched down the field for 4 minutes before tying the game (again) with a FG. Sure, they Texans then were saved by Andre Johnson running 48 yards for a TD, but that means it essentially took 13 minutes to beat JACKSONVILLE!!!! So the next week, Houston has been re-awoken, baptized in blood, and other Christian-centered imagery-laden metaphors to mean they’re back, right? NO!!!! They let the Lions pimp-slap them around all over the place. This game was probably the Lions' to take if it were it not for Jim Schwartz’s amazing lack of competence on that infamous replay deal. I mean, the Texans would have kept the ball and first down, so maybe they still drove, but that was a HUGE momentum shift. This, again, took nearly 13 minutes to decide.

#2 – Falcons: Look, Dylan already went off on the Falcons, so I won’t take too long on them. They are largely overrated, but if that defense is gonna stay at that level, they could be dangerous. Here’s the deal: cliché as it is, defense wins championships. The Falcons, no doubt, have offensive problems, but if that defense can bail them out like that, they could be dangerous. That being said, they nearly lost to several BAD teams. It seems they play up and down to their competition. Either way, I’ll tell you this, they obviously don’t actually want to be respected if the effort over the last few weeks is all they can muster.

#3 – 49ers: I’m not sure why they are ranked at #3 in the first place. I’d put them at 5 at highest. They have not dominated like last year’s 9ers. Further, they won last week due to 2 pick-sixes, not their new toy, Kaepernick. And, let’s not forget this, THEY TIED THE FREAKIN’ RAMS!!!! Here’s the other thing: you obviously don’t want to be taken seriously if you stick with your backup while in the middle of a seeding race. I like Kaepernick, but he’s had 2 games. Alex Smith has had 27 with Harbaugh. I tend to think that the more games, the better the data.

#4 – Ravens: I was willing to give them a pass on the Texans game due to losing Ray Lewis. Regardless of what he physically has left in the tank, he’s a good leader both on the field and off. To their credit, they haven’t lost since then. However, they barely held on to the game against the Steelers, who started with their backup and ended with their 3^rd stringer. Then they went to OT with the CHARGERS!!!! I mean, good gravy, I almost locked that matchup in! Look, Mr. Best-QB-who-ever-sucked, you got your butt saved by one of the best RBs playing today. You almost got held to 10 points by the CHARGERS. You still only got 16 (2 more FGs, not a TD). I mean, come on, man! You have got to do better if you’re going to be the best.

#5 – Patriots: This team is one of two or three exceptions in the Top 10. I have nothing to say about them except to make fun of them for losing to the Cardinals. However, that was early in the year, so I’ll give them a pass.

#6 – Da Bears: Ya know how I said two or three exceptions? Well, Da Bears are my “or 3.” Here is why: I won’t blame them for the Texans game. I can understand that. They lost their starter and only lost by a TD. Then they play the 49ers with Jason Campbell leading Da Bears. I can understand the “7” they scored with a backup. What I canNOT understand is the “32” put up against that defense. Come on, you GOTTA step up when your QB is down. To their credit, though, they did bounce back with a 28-10 stomping against the Vikings.

#7 – Broncos: This is my 2^nd big exception. The Broncos have 6 wins in a row. They struggled against the Chiefs, but it was an away game, and it ultimately was a 2 possession game. Peyton has single-handedly legitimized the Broncos.

#8 – Giants: The Giants are not that good. Maybe they’re turning the corner with this win last week, but I see them either eking a divisional title or losing it to the Redskins at the last minute. Only Monday will tell for sure.

#9 – Packers: WHAT THE SMACK? They got THROTTLED by the spiraling G-men. This is ridiculous. The Packers have not looked as solid as they should. I’m not sure what is going on, but they need to right their ship QUICKLY.

#10 – Colts: I don’t know what it is, but there is something about the Colts that make me question whether they should be ranked in the Top 10. No doubt, they are doing better than most people would have guessed, but I do not think they’ll make it far, if anywhere, in the playoffs. They were saved last week by special teams. They got throttled by the team that is, in my shared opinion with Dylan, the best in the league in the Patriots. Considering that the supposed best 12 teams are supposed to make it, I can see them being an outside Wild Card, but I’m not sure how well they will survive against the NFL’s best.

All-in-all, my adjusted Top 10 is as such: 

1. Patriots

2. Broncos

3. Texans

4. Bears

5. Falcons

6. Ravens

7. 49ers

8. Giants

9. Packers

10. Colts.

I only used the teams mentioned in the consensus polls, and you’ll see that my last 3 are the same as theirs. I adjusted according to who seems to be playing like they want a ring. I kept the Texans ahead of Da Bears simply because of the blip that Da Bears had against the 49ers. The bottom line is that none of the alleged Top 4 are playing championship-caliber football. They all need to step up, or we might end up with an almost or maybe the first ever exclusively wild card conference championship matchups.