Beyond the Hype – Week 2

Week 2 of the NFL 2013 season was off-the-charts amazing. In nearly all the games, the teams were only a score away from each other, including five that were a field goal’s difference or less. Seriously, I don’t remember a weekend with that many close matchups. Hopefully that means that this is the best parity the league has had in a while so that the season doesn’t end early for most teams.

You know which division has the most parity in the worst way? The NFC East. Around the League’s writers from NFL.com have dubbed it the NFC Least. Clever name, but I hope they don’t mean the least amount of drama, because you KNOW there will be drama. Romo chokes, Chip Kelly’s offense, RG3, and Tom Coughlin giving us a new version of his “What the heck?” face every time anything happens. Seriously, between Eli’s “derp” faces and Coughlin’s perpetual confusion face, I’m surprised anyone takes the Giants seriously ever. But I digress.

Last week, I tore apart the hyped-up offense of Chip Kelly, and last week someone found the secret weapon: keep the offense off the field. Philly’s defense is as impermeable as a colander; I mean, the Chargers ran up and down the field on the Eagles. They never do ANYTHING right. Once again, I digress. I wasn’t even going to tear apart the Eagles this week. No, my ire is a little more close to home: the Dallas Cowboys.

Ok, question for you, internet, does being the Cowboys' play caller all of a sudden make you think that the only type of game plan is to pass the ball a junk load? Seriously, I’m just wondering. Is it some kind of medical condition? Cowboysmustpassitosis? I mean, when Wade Phillips was the “head coach,” he was criticized and said “Mumblemumblemumble,” which loosely translates to “We need to have a more balanced offense by running more with Marion (the Barbarian) Barber.” Then Jason Garret took over, kicked MB3 out and said something in Ginger-ese that roughly translates to, “We need to be more balanced on offense, and that starts by giving Felix Jones more touches.” Now Bill Callahan has taken over play calling duties, and he has said, “We need to run the ball more.” So, what does this amazing idea yield? 12 rushes for 25 yards for DeMarco Murray. I think it doesn’t matter WHO calls the plays, because the only thing they’re going to say is, “No, don’t run it. Let’s pass 60 times a game and see where that leaves us.” I’ll tell you where it leaves you: 1-1 instead of 2-0 and probably 8-8 instead of 10-6 maybe even 11-5.

Now, I don’t mean to neglect the other NFC East teams. Giants? Ok, nothing happening there that will be interesting until about Week 9 or 10 when – because they’ve “hung around” – people (and by people I mean Dylan Ehle) will make bold predictions of how they are primed for a deep playoff run. They aren’t, and they won’t. The end. Redskins? Oh-ho boy yes.

Now, I will say that RG3 is a little rusty from not playing in the offseason. The media was being stupid by clamoring for Shanahan to play him in the preseason when that same media was just bashing Shanahan 8 months ago for playing RG3 too much. Now, that being said, someone needs to help out poor RG3. I mean, look at his face - he’s scared. I don’t mean that in a condescending way; I mean that legitimately. I’ve never gone through an ACL tear of any kind, but I would imagine that I would not have the first inclination to throw my leg right back out there to possibly get injured again. RG3 is recovered physically, but he is not mentally recovered. Unfortunately, he’s approaching Week 3, and he had better right himself if he wants his team alive in the division hunt. Fortunately, he plays in the NFC East, so there ya go. 

My ire towards the Redskins is not towards RG3 or Shanahan or Dan Snyder. My ire is toward one Alfred Morris. Talk about a sophomore slump, he’s the reason the Redskins can’t win right now. I get that RG3 is the quarterback, but until he shakes the rust off, he has to rely on those around him to support him. Morris is not doing his part. If Morris continues this slump, perhaps the Redskins should do what seems to be a trend in the league this past week or so: bring in an old veteran. 

Clinton Portis might need some money.