As Admiral Ackbar would say, "IT’S A TRAP!!!!" This is the theme of my week. Look, I’ve been doing pretty well with the picks this year; I’m 41-22 (2nd best record in my pick league), so I know I’m doing pretty well. This week, however, I feel is one huge cluster of a trap.
Thursday Night Football
Bills @ Browns (-3.5) – BROWNS: I wasn’t particularly sold
either way and even thought of washing it out, but I just picked the home team.
I’m glad I didn’t wash it out as the Browns found a way to win giving me my
first point of the week. This wasn’t a trap except for those who picked the
Bills as their upset (Dylan).
Sunday Early Afternoon Games
Chiefs @ Titans (+3) – CHIEFS: I almost locked this one in,
but then Dylan reminded me that Ryan Fitzpatrick was the backup in Tennessee,
so I had too many question marks to lock it in. I mean, the Chiefs have been
rolling, but is it too much too fast? They’ve already doubled their win total
from last year. When does the insanity stop? You know what I could do with
stopping, though? Hearing Andy Reid being called “Big Red” for the billionth
time. I get it. We all get it. All Americans get the joke. He’s a fat man
wearing red. Please move on, media.
Ravens @ Dolphins (-3) – RAVENS: This game will go a long
way to determine where these 2 teams are going. Did the Dolphins start 3-0 on a
fluke? Or are they the real deal and ran into a downright impressive Saints
team in New Orleans? Are the Ravens the team that gave up 49 points to Denver
and lost to the Bills? Or are they the team that throttled the Texans? I don’t
know, and as shaky as this game is, I am going to have to take this game as my
UPSET pick. I mean, what, did you think I’d waste it by picking the Cowboys
over the Broncos?
Jaguars @ Rams (-11.5) – RAMS: While I am picking the Rams,
I cannot lock this in. This game feels like a trap game from top to bottom. The
Rams are coming off a long rest following a pathetic loss, but the Jags are
coming off of another week of being the Jaguars and not signing #TebowtoJax.
*Sigh* I guess the Rams won’t take the division this year after all…
Patriots @ Bengals (-1) – PATRIOTS: I don’t bet against Tom
Brady. Infuriating as it is, he finds a way to win. I mean seriously, he’s 1
step away from getting his linemen to go out for passes, but he finds a way to
win. The Bengals, on the other hand, are unreadable in what they want to do.
How do you control the Packers then turn around and lose to the Browns? I don’t
care what record the Browns have. They’re the Browns!!!! I can’t wash this one
out, though. There is a far more infuriating matchup.
Seahawks @ Colts (+3) – SEAHAWKS: What does Vegas see here?
Why the close call? It makes me… unsettled. Once again, I feel like this is a
trap game. Surely the Seahawks signature comeback last week won’t wear off too
much magic from this organization, will it?
Lions @ Packers (-7) – PACKERS: All the stars are aligned
for a Packers field day: Packers coming off of a bye week, in Green Bay, the
Lions getting a win without killing someone thus making them want to hurt
people all the more this week. It’s just crazy to think that Aaron Rodgers
won’t just blow the Lions out of Lambeau. Or is it maybe too perfect of a storm
to believe?
Saints @ Bears (+1) – DA BEARS: No, no, no, no. you mean to
say I’m picking Da Bears to beat Who Dat? Why, yes, I am. I see this trap: the
Saints are soaring high after that win against the Dolphins, but Da Bears got
rocked for the first time this year. This is a statement game for Da Bears at
home. I am only taking Da Bears because it is in Chicago. Hopefully, the Saints
can get some consolation with some Grill Class on the way back.
Eagles @ Giants (-2) – EAGLES: I throw this monstrosity of a
game into the WASH. Gasp and horror. These 2 teams were supposed to be the top
of the division if not the league with consistency on the Giants side and
Flash-like speed on the other. Let’s start with the Derp-squad from New York.
As fantastic as Peyton has been, the exact opposite has happened for Eli. Eli
has 6 touchdowns compared to NINE interceptions. Now let’s look at the Eagles.
You should call them the Ostriches because they cannot fly. I mean, I love to
say I told you so, so look back at my first Beyond the Hype article. Go ahead.
I’ll wait. DID I NOT TELL YOU?!?!?!?! The offense has been inept. The defense
has been worse. I’m glad I’m washing this game out because it is just filthy
with ineptitude. I can’t believe I was worried about the Cowboys finishing
behind these 2 teams.
Sunday Late Afternoon Games
Panthers @ Cardinals (+2) – CARDINALS: NOOOOOO!!!! How I
wish this line was 1 point more. This has “upset” written all over the place,
but, alas, the rules are that it must be a 3+ point difference… Cardinals are
tough at home. In my opinion, it is the most underrated home field advantage in
the league. Now, I am writing this article on Thursday night. If this line
moves at all between now and Sunday and it goes to 3 points, I reserve my right
to claim this as my last minute upset. It is my favorite matchup for an upset
all weekend.
Broncos @ Cowboys (+7.5) – COWBOYS: Look, I said I wasn’t
wasting my upset pick on them. I never said I wasn’t picking them. I may be
wasting a perfectly good pick on this, and I have a feeling like I’m one of the
only people in the world picking them, but I submit to you this fact: Tony Romo
has never lost to Peyton Manning. This fact and the fact that the game is in
Dallas gives me hope and a thought that maybe, just maybe, Dallas can pull this
off. You can call it insanity, you can all it bias, you can call it stupid. I
think this game is a trap game for the Broncos. I will make another bold
prediction and say that Peyton’s first interception of the year will be
happening in this game.
Sunday Night Games
Texans @ 49ers – 49ERS: The 49ers had a little wake-up match
last week to remind them how they’re supposed to play. The Texans got reminded
last week that they can’t play. The Texans are going to go through a slump that
might allow the Colts to take control of the AFC South. On the other hand, it
could be the exact opposite seeing as how the 49ers haven’t won back-to-back
games yet this year and the Texans showed some grit early on. Maybe this is a
trap, after all.
Chargers @ Raiders (+4.5) – CHARGERS: Really? They had to move
it to 11:35 eastern? This, just, wow… The Raiders are so bad they got ousted by
the Athletics. Wait a tic; this is the 2nd time this football season
that a game has been jacked around by a baseball team. Who do these teams think
they are? Since when has baseball taken importance over football? It seems to
me that they are getting a little full of themselves. Looks like we might have
to have a good old fashioned Celebrity Death Match to solve these dilemmas.
Monday Night Game
Jets @ Falcons (-10) – FALCONS: Ok, I’m going to go ahead
and LOCK this one in. Yes I’m aware that this matchup screams trap, and no, I’m
not happy about choosing the Falcons, but it’s the only matchup I trust to end
appropriately. The Falcons look like trash this year, and my fantasy team is
very unhappy with Steven Jackson. Nevertheless, you could argue that the
Falcons have just hit a rough snag. Maybe a good old fashioned stomping is what
is needed for them to get back on track to annoying everyone outside of
Atlanta.
Photo from http://www.youtube.com/user/JAVIERLOVESYOUSHOW
Photo from http://www.youtube.com/user/JAVIERLOVESYOUSHOW
The Cowboys selection was a valiant pick...so close.
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