By Dave Schefke
Thanksgiving is almost here, and that means being thankful for many things, particularly things that begin with F: faith, family, friends, and, of course, food and football. Lots of food and football. Last week was very good to me, although the Jags and Bears were a major shot to my ego and, thank God, I pulled my bet on the Steelers game to say perfect on the line...mmm, gravy. But those games that make analysts and sports fans scratch their heads also make this game so beautiful. With that, here are my turkey picks for the week, which include nudity, Tom Brady in a skirt, Alex Morgan, and Clay Matthews in all of his fathead glory ;)
TEXANS/LIONS- I was very pleased with the Lions last week. They made me good money, and they should do the same this week as the Texans only need to win by 3.5...good thing my extended family is not that into sports or they might not feed me.
SKINS/DALLAS- I like the upset. RG3 against Tony Romo. Demarco Murray is still hurt, and the Skins are coming off a big win (although against a terrible team)...did I mention Dallas has Tony Romo?
BEARS/VIKINGS- EXPOSED. NAKED. WITHOUT CLOTHING. That is the Chicago Bears. As funny as it was seeing Jason Campbell running around like a school girl, it wasn't ALL his fault. Yes, you Bears fans have no O-LINE and your elite defense was just torched by a RC. Thoughts on Tom Brady as your QB? He'd look much better in a tootoo than Campbell...too bad. The Vikings aren't good, but they have a great chance to win this game. Predictions? Ponder throws for a monster 32 yard game for the win!
PATRIOTS/JETS- Yes, the Jets made me eat my words last week. And for some reason, Brady struggles historically against the Jets. Also, Gronkowski is dead. So why am I betting the Patriots? Because at the end of the day (ESPN way of saying it, of course) the Patriots are the Patriots and the Jets are well, the Jets. Mark Sanchez is incapable of having 2 good games in a row. New England has a plethora of weapons and someone will step up in Gronk's absence. Billy B. will pile his plate high with seconds, thirds, and maybe even fourths as New England racks up a win that puts the Vegas line to shame. What a fatty.
DOLPHINS/SEATTLE- Seattle is arguably the best home team in the NFL, but they are on the road...as dogs... but I still like them for the upset.
TITANS/JAGS- I shouldn't even attempt this game. If Blackmon does what he did last week and MJD is in, I'll take Jacksonville for their 2nd win of the year. If not, this game will be uglier than my fatness after Thanksgiving.
BENGALS/OAKLAND- Cincy wins, but by how much? Would love to see A.J. extend his TD streak. Hillsdale fans can cheer Valdheer in a losing effort.
STEELERS/BROWNS- Pitt is still beat up and the Browns are slowly but surely getting better and better. Hmm. I throw in the proverbial towel here.
BRONCOS/CHIEFS- My beloved Broncos win easily, but HOW easily? I bet a 10 point spread all day, but 10.5? The question is can Denver get up for this kind of game and play 4 quarters of good football? Good enough to win, yes, but I'm not sure if it will be good enough to cover. Shame on me for my continued lack of faith in you, Peyton! Light 'em up!
COLTS/BILLS- Interesting game. Luck is coming off the beating of his life and will be looking to return the favor against the Bills at home. Buffalo is coming off a big win led by C.J. Spiller, who looked nothing short of amazing last game, BUT...seriously, how many trips to the red zone can you take without a TD, Fitzpatrick? For shame. Colts win.
FALCONS/BUCS- Wow. What a game. This might be my favorite game of the week. Definitely not to bet, I can easily see either team winning. But what a great football matchup. By now even your run-of-the-mill football fan knows who Doug Martin is...what a great story. The key for me once again is how healthy Julio Jones really is. The Bucs are red hot right now. Matt Ryan threw 5 (FIVE) (CINCO) picks last week. Kick back and enjoy this one.
RAVENS/CHARGERS- The Ravens have been all over the place this year, but the Chargers are definitely bad enough for me to take this game at just 1. Oh, Philip Rivers...
SAINTS/49ers- I said wow already. I've heard someone say "biscuits and gravy!" before...either way this game is going to be amazing. Last week, I picked the Saints for a blowout win and even though they played who they did, they won by a lot, and in the NFL that's NEVER easy. New Orleans' offense is finally clicking and they are en fuego. Unfortunately for them, they are playing the 49ers, who quite frankly, ***insert past tense of one of many words here*** the Bears last game. The Bears! 'Da Bears! Without Cutler, but still the 2nd best defense in the league...maybe? I mean they made them look like the Lions. Colin Kaepernick? I knew who he was and I knew he was solid for a RC backup, but nobody except his mother would have thought he could have done what he did. As hot as the Saints are, I have to take the 49ers with their offense destroying Chicago last week and an elite defense of their own.
RAMS/CARDINALS- Game has been cancelled due to lack of interest. For any betters, take the under and run.
PACKERS/GIANTS- Packers are the dogs in this game. But I like them. Even though they barely beat the Lions and Alex Morgan or Hope Solo would literally be better kickers than what they have now, Rodgers is sitting at home thinking about how he threw for 100 yards against the Detroit freaking Lions and their "secondary." He's less focused on insurance commercials and admiring fatheads of Clay Matthews in a white dress shirt and rolled up jeans with long flowing blonde hair. The Giants are good enough to beat anyone, but that includes themselves and they've done plenty of that...good game either way
PANTHERS/EAGLES- Lolz...wait that's not funny...this is our monday night game???????
You were dead-on with the Pats...
ReplyDelete...you were not dead-on with the Packers, haha.
ReplyDelete