This season… wow. On the plus side, I am 77-44 (including Thursday night’s loss due to the Dolphins). On the negative side, I can’t pick an upset or a wash to save my life. It’s just… wow. I mean, I’ve only missed one lock, so that’s good, but I’m missing out with wasted washes and missed upsets. You know who I blame? Tony Romo. It is OBVIOUSLY Tony Romo’s fault. I mean, he gets blamed for everything else: when the defense not doing its job, when the o-line lets him get clobbered, he’s probably at fault for healthcare.gov not working properly. So yeah, I’m gonna blame Tony freakin’ Romo for my inability to pick an upset. On to my picks.
Thursday Night Game
Bengals @ Dolphins – BENGALS: Seriously, I keep missing
games in the weirdest ways. I mean, a walk-off, OT safety has now happened 3
times in the NFL. This is the 1st time it happened on a QB sack,
although the jury is out on whether it counts as a QB sack when a soulless
ginger is in that position.
Sunday Early Afternoon Games
Falcons @ Panthers – PANTHERS: The Falcons continue to show
a complete lack of interest in winning this year. I bet Tony Gonzalez is
thrilled he gave up retirement to spend time with his family to play on THIS
team. Seriously, all veteran football players, take this as a sign: If you lose
the Conference Championship in dramatic fashion, RETIRE. Don’t come back. You
now have 2 examples in the last 5 years as to why this is true.
Vikings @ Cowboys – COWBOYS: Now begins the Cowboys November
run where they improbably win all of their games. This year, though, they have
a hiccup: Their bye week is in November. This is obviously a conspiracy to rob
Romo of his moment of bringing the Cowboys to a playoff game in order for the
Cowboys as a team to be laughably inept, and despite his best efforts, Romo
will be blamed for everything. This is particularly a problem with the media
because they won’t be able to bring up the botched field goal hold for the
billionth time, because that NEVER gets old.
Saints @ Jets – SAINTS: The Jets just showed me who they
are. I’ve been TRYING to point that out to everyone, but they keep bringing up
stupid things like win-loss records and game-winning drives. Well, not this
week. The Saints will roll big.
Titans @ Rams – RAMS: I was quite impressed that the Rams
could hold their own against the Seahawks without their starting QB. If it
weren’t for the fact that I don’t believe in Seattle’s offense at all, I’d be
more inclined to pick this as my upset. As it is, the Titans are pretty good
with Locker at the helm, so I’ll go ahead and leave this as is.
Chiefs @ Bills – CHIEFS: I agree with this line. The Chiefs
haven’t won big at all, and the Bills are playing tougher than most people,
myself included, gave them credit for at the beginning of the year. If the
Chiefs win big, it will be a late pull-away.
Chargers @ Redskins – REDSKINS: I was going to wash this
game out, but then I saw this as a west coast team going to the east coast in
the early afternoon. Now, this didn’t work out well for me last time, but it
was against the Jags. I’ll pick the ‘Skins outright.
Sunday Late Afternoon Games
Eagles @ Raiders – RRRRRRRRRRRRRAIDERRRRRRRRS!!!!: I will
admit, I didn’t think I’d be able to use that for the rest of the year, but
seeing as how they’ve pulled together some decent wins, I figured it was time
to unleash the amazingly fun pick.
Buccaneers @ Seahawks – SEAHAWKS: In a surprise to no one,
I’m LOCKing this one in. Now, Dylan might say something like “But Tex, I
thought you said the Seahawks were overrated.” They are. They absolutely are
overrated. However, no one can be as disappointing as the Bucs. I mean, you
could argue the Jags, but everyone knew they would be bad.
Ravens @ Browns – BROWNS: Yeah, I’m taking this game as my
UPSET! Jason Campbell is finally getting his 2nd chance after
bouncing around for, like, 5 years. He has come back with a vengeance. I’m
looking for him to continue this and make Dylan right about something: that the
Browns will push for a playoff spot, because God knows that Cleveland needs
SOMETHING.
Steelers @ Patriots – PATRIOTS: Hey, remember when this
matchup meant playoff seeding? Yeah… those were the days…
Sunday Night Game
Colts @ Texans – COLTS: I don’t get it. Did Luck break a
leg? Did Peyton trade himself to Houston just to prove he can do anything? Why
is this line so small? I mean, the Houston crowd hates the Texans right now, so
it can’t be home crowd… Wait, is it Case Keenum? That’s what’s messed up the
line? I… I’m hesitant to call Vegas out on this seeing as it always comes to
bit me. I’ll just WASH this one out…
Monday Night Game
Da Bears @ Packers – PACKERS: I really want to choose Da
Bears because they are much cooler, but I just don’t think it’s going to happen
in Lambeau. Also, my Fantasy Football would be happier if Aaron Rodgers goes to
town on Da Bears, so, there’s that.
Alright everyone, tell me what I did wrong; tell me what I
did right. Tell me what you like; tell me what you hate. Glorify my genius here
or on Twitter, and send all hate-tweets to @PaleEhle. Trust me, I’ll get them.
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