@TheFUSTexan on Twitter
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. This week has been riddled with
drama. First, we have 5 key divisional matchups. Don’t forget that we have 3
teams looking for their first win, one (the Giants) inexplicably favored. I’m
pretty sure Dylan is involved in that line. However, none of these things
combined matches the drama coming out of Indianapolis. I don’t know whether to
be depressed by the absolute obliviousness a man can have as seen in Jim Irsay
or impressed as to how high the high road can be taken as seen by Peyton
Manning. I know that the media really want the stodgy, rich owner to look like the
bad guy while the All-American, face-on-every-commercial, media darling that is
Peyton Manning is the good guy, but the media doesn’t have to try very hard
to achieve that goal in this one. Irsay has acted like the epitome of the 1%
stereotype – oblivious, presumptuous, a complete jack… well, you get my point.
Manning, on the other hand, has been the greatest of the good ol’ boy made big
– southern etiquette, friendly drawl, intelligent poise. I’m pretty sure
everyone outside of Indy is pulling for the Broncos, and it’s unfortunate
because it’s all because of one man who never even had the honor and privilege
of wearing that uniform. Anyway, now that I have had the longest intro of the
year, let’s get down to who I think, no, who I KNOW will win.
Thursday Night Game
Seahawks @ Cardinals – SEAHAWKS: So, I’ve figured out that,
as long as I don’t attach a label to it, then Thursday Night games are a cinch.
But seriously, this game was never really in question.
Sunday Early Afternoon Games
Patriots @ Jets – PATRIOTS: Guess who’s back? Back again!
Gronk is back! TELL A FRIEND! That’s right, Gronk is back, and Dylan traded him
away to Dustin in fantasy football this week. BRILLIANT! Watch for the Patriots to pull away late.
Chargers @ Jaguars – JAGUARS: Gasp and Horror! Why am I
picking the Jags? They are winless, they’ve looked pathetic, and they don’t
have Tim Tebow! (#TebowtoJax) Well, I don’t trust the Chargers, the Jaguars
looked surprisingly competitive against the best team in the NFL, the Broncos,
and it’s an early afternoon game on the east coast for a west coast team to
overcome.
Texans @ Chiefs – CHIEFS: Wow, so the Texans are going to
start Case Keenum. That’s right. The 3rd string quarterback is
supposed to keep the Texans only taking 6.5 points. I’m gonna add some variety
to my picks and LOCK this pick in.
Bengals @ Lions – BENGALS: Ok, am I missing something? The
Lions are the 2nd most up-and-down team only to my Cowboys. I mean,
I know it’s in Detroit, but I still don’t see why they’re favored.
Bills @ Dolphins – DOLPHINS: I feel bad for the Bills. They
had such promise to be a playoff buster this year, and now they’ll probably
have a Top 8 pick in the draft. The good news is that they can continue the
re-building process with EJ Manuel and have a stronger team next year.
Bears @ Redskins – DA BEARS: I was so wrong about the
Redskins this year. They just have no pizzazz. Da Bears, however, are flying
grill class on the way to a playoff berth. The Redskins do have a shot insofar
as the game is in Washington, but that’s about it.
Cowboys @ Eagles – COWBOYS: Nick Foles seems to have given
the Eagles a shot in the arm, but I don’t think that the Eagles’ defense will
be able to stop the high octane Cowboys. Also, and I’d like to remind you, that
the Eagles’ next generation, revolutionary offense has scored 166 points.
Meanwhile, the Cowboys horrible offense led by a horrible quarterback has
scored 183 points. Wait a second…
Rams @ Panthers – PANTHERS: I will admit that the Panthers
are surprising me just as much as I expected them to this year. Yeah. Think
about that one for a while.
Buccaneers @ Falcons – FALCONS: Look, SOMEONE has to win
this. Both of these teams are remarkably underwhelming. Even the Bucs look bad
despite a promising looking team. You know who’s looking good with the Bucs
sucking? The Jets. Maybe the issue wasn’t Rex Ryan or Mark Sanchez after all.
Maybe it was all Darrelle Revis’s fault.
Sunday Late Afternoon Games
49ers @ Titans – 49ERS: I’m not sure why this line is so
small other than that it’s in Tennessee. I mean, I know it’s another
West-to-East Coast game, but it’s a late afternoon game, so I don’t see how
that makes it as hard.
Browns @ Packers – PACKERS: On the other side of things, I’m
actually surprised that this game’s line is so big. The Packers haven’t exactly
been lights out, and the Browns have been surprisingly good this year. I know
they’re back to using Weeden, but still, I’m surprised.
Ravens @ Steelers – RAVENS: I’m gonna WASH this game out
seeing as the Steelers have been horrendous, and the Ravens have been blah.
Yeah, I know this game is a division game, but I just can’t bring myself to
care about this matchup…
Sunday Night Game
Broncos @ Colts – BRONCOS: You know, I can’t stand listening
to Chris Collinsworth, but dad-gum if he isn’t making stupid comments on the
best dad-gum games this year. I mean, seriously, every single Sunday Night game
has been amazing this year. I know that’s what the Flex schedule is for, but
the games have delivered, too. I’ve already broken down this game, so you just
need to know that the next statements are, in no way, indictments against any
of the Colts fans, players, coaches or really anyone but Jim Irsay: I hope
Peyton Manning mops the floor with this Colts team and that this is the most
boring matchup of the year because it is so one-sided. Like, I want the game to
be like playing Madden on easy mode with all custom, rating 100 players against
a custom team of 50s.
Monday Night Game
Vikings @ Giants – VIKINGS: Well, the Jags may not have
picked up on their true future QB, but the Vikings think they’ve found theirs
(again). I think Freeman will add a much needed energy, and the Giants will be
technically worse than the Jags at the end of the week. Hey Dylan, how do you
feel about that? Like, the Giants being worse than the Jags? Is that, like,
cool for the Jags side and horrible for the Giants? I mean, I would like you to
elaborate below in the comments. Also, I invite all readers to comment below to
make fun of either the Giants or the Jags with me. Thank you very much! Good
night everybody!
I'd love it if the Jags were better than the Giants, but I just don't see it happening this week. I think the Jags will be overmatched by the Chargers, and I'll be javing flashbacks to their 2009 week 2 game where they got trounced by SD. On the other side, I'm nowhere near as high on Freeman as you are, and I think Big Blue will get their first win in a dominating fashion.
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