Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your cheers, for today is your lucky day. That’s right, today you get to see some amazing things. Is it as amazing as a Rex Ryan press conference? No! What could top that? Is it as amazing as a Peyton Manning commercial? Ok, ok, ok, stop being ridiculous. So maybe you just get to read my picks of the week, and maybe it isn’t all THAT amazing. Week 1 picks are always very tumultuous. This is the week that will give you the indication as to how crazy the NFL season will be. So, full disclosure, no one knows anything right now because no one knows how well teams are going to meld together. I am included in that statement, but that won’t stop me from guessing. Because, and everyone say it with me: “YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME!!!!”
Thursday Night Game
Ravens @ Broncos (-8.5): BRONCOS – The Ravens have a gutted
team, Peyton Manning is playing during the regular season, and it’s the first
time in this new NFL tradition (I really like this tradition, by the way) that
the Super Bowl Champ plays away. Why is that? Oh, because of an Orioles game?
Really? When’s the last time the Orioles did anything? This
just seems like some sort of desperate ploy by the O’s owner to get something.
I mean, come on, O’s, you’ve got 81 home games. Why couldn’t you change one
dinky game? Anyway, enough about that. This season kick-off will be a lot of
fun to watch, but the Broncos are just too stacked to stop, especially in the
regular season.
Sunday Early Afternoon Games
Patriots @ Bills (+10): PATRIOTS – The only reason I am not
locking this one is because I don’t know what Tom Brady’s plan is. I also, I have no idea how the Bills' defense will look on the field this season. I know they’re limping with offense, and maybe that should be my
sign, but I don’t know. I feel something fishy about this match-up. Remember,
the Bills actually have beaten the Patriots a couple of times in the past few years.
Titans @ Steelers (-7): STEELERS – When there is an
off-season where a generally good team is barely mentioned, that’s usually the
team that surprises everyone for the better. I haven’t heard one word about the
Steelers until this past week's roster cuts. I don’t see how they re-take
the division, but I think they’ll play playoff buster this year.
Falcons @ Saints (-3): SAINTS – Sean Peyton is back, and his
return CANNOT be understated. This will be a recharged New Orleans offense
accompanied by an unpredictable, if sometimes inconsistent, defense. Saints win
in a blow out.
Bucs @ Jets (+3): BUCS – I don’t know whether Geno Smith is
the next big thing, but since the Jets got him, I’ll say that he’s the next big
bust. He looked like crap in the preseason; if the Jets want a guy that’ll
throw interceptions all the time, I can do that for the rookie minimum.
Chiefs @ Jags (+3): CHIEFS – I’ve already stated that the
Chiefs will grab a firm hold of 2nd place in their division, and a
win here will help their campaign for a Wild Card spot.
Bengals @ Bears (-3): BEARS – Let’s see how this new Bears
team will look against an up-and-coming Bengals team that could surprise the
league this year.
Dolphins @ Browns (PK): DOLPHINS – I cannot think of a
better match-up to wash-out than this one. A true pick-em in that both teams
suck and will suck some more this year.
Seahawks@ Panthers (+3): SEAHAWKS – The Seahawks I picked to
end up in last place in their division. I may be wrong on that, but I’m not
wrong enough to pick them to fall apart week 1.
Vikings @ Lions (-4.5): VIKINGS – In my upset pick this
week, I pick the Vikings’ Superman a.k.a. A.P. and his new teammate, Greg Jennings,
to help lift the Vikings over those dirty cats from Detroit.
Raiders @ Colts (-9.5): COLTS – To finish up my special
picks, I’m gonna lock up the Colts to beat the Raiders. Seriously, I keep
putting my faith that the Raiders won’t be “that bad,” and all it does is make
me look dumb. The Raiders will suck again this year, and it will start in Indy.
Sunday Late Afternoon Games
Cardinals @ Rams (-5): RAMS – I picked the Rams to win the
division based on their success last year within the division, where they went
5-0-1. I’m gonna give them the clean sweep this year starting with the Cards.
Packers @ 49ers (-4.5): 49ERS – The 9ers aren’t gonna lose
their division overnight. The defending NFC Champs will start out strong
against a Packers team that just seems to be lacking in pizzazz this year.
Sunday Night Game
Giants @ Cowboys (-3): GIANTS – Don’t look at me in that
tone of voice. I know what I typed. Eli sucks year round except at 2 times:
sometimes in the playoffs, and always in Dallas. I know I picked the Cowboys to
get 2nd place in the division, but that gets solidified in November.
Tonight, the Cowboys lose for like the 5th time to the Giants in
Dallas. If the Cowboys win this game, they may crack 9-7 for the year.
Monday Night Games
Eagles @ Redskins (-3.5): REDSKINS – Well, this is exactly
how it has to start, huh? RG3 returns to claim the division early. Chip Kelly
may put together a stellar offense, but it will not match up to RG3’s magic.
Texans @ Chargers (+3.5): TEXANS – Ok, so we began with a
tradition I love, so we must end with one that I hate: Double-Header MNF for
Week 1. Seriously? The game doesn’t start until 10freakin30 Eastern. You want
half of America up past midnight on a Monday night? And what’s more, you give
us the Chargers? Really? You know who’s gonna stay up past midnight? Bristol
and Houston. And me (dadgumit).
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